Sometimes I feel so inadequate in this internship with the BCM. I stumble over my words and confuse Samuel with Solomon. “What kind of Biblical leader doesn’t know that?” is a thought that often goes through my head. I’m not much older than these college students I’m supposed to be leading. So many excuses that just make me want to shrivel back in my chair and not speak.
I am reminded of two passages. The first is a single verse from Paul. He writes, “Since God in his wisdom saw to it that the world would never know him through human wisdom, he has used our foolish preaching to save those who believe.” A few weeks ago, I did a study on God’s wisdom, and the number one lesson is that God’s wisdom is way above my own. God knew that humans wouldn’t come to knowing him simply through human exploration. God knew that it would take some direct preaching from humans, so he calls his followers to preach. Somehow through foolish human preaching and teaching, God draws humans to him. So even though I bumble through lessons, I keep reminding myself that God works in my weakness. He can take my foolish words and make them into perfect logic in the mind of someone who needs the message.
The second passage is a story. God told Moses to go to Pharaoh and ask for the Israelites to be released. Moses shuddered and stuttered and told God that he could never do that. He wasn’t fit for such a mission. He didn’t know the answers to so many questions. God patiently answered his questions and calmed his fears about clumsy speaking and provided him with help. Sometimes I feel like Moses. God, I can’t teach this lesson; I barely understand it myself. I’m no older than these students. Who am I to be their leader?” I wish I could say that God appears in a burning bush and makes a stick turn into a snake as a way to reassure my fears, but God doesn’t do that for me. Instead God sends me back to his words and shows me that he has used countless “unworthy and unfit” people before me. He reminds me that He is guiding me.
Yes, I still stumble over my words and I’m not sure that much is always learned, but I do know that people are being encouraged and they’re hearing God’s word. Even if I can’t enlighten them about anything, they are coming to spend time thinking about God’s words. That is the most important thing because spending time listening to God through the Bible is way more powerful than anything I could ever say.